


Interjection

by Baykit



Series: Quirky Hell [13]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Cannibalism, Cooking, Hostage Situations, Put Your Hands Up Radio: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic’s Radio Show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29278962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baykit/pseuds/Baykit
Summary: Present Mic is interrupted once again but this time he has help. The Smile Hero, Ms. Joke!
Series: Quirky Hell [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604635
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Present Mic’s Radio Show!**

**Present Mic:** CAN I GET A YEEAAHH?!!

**Guest {Ms. Joke}:** Heck Yeah!

**Present Mic:** Alright! Welcome to little listeners to the Put Your Hands Up radio show! Our guest today is the hilarious Ms. Joke and she will be staying with us until the end of the show!

**Guest {Ms. Joke}:** Hey there listeners! Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

**Present Mic:** No Ms. Joke, I haven’t.

**Guest {Ms. Joke}:** Well, here’s the thing, there’s no menu! You get what you deserve!

**Present Mic:** Ahahaha! That’s a good one! And I hope we’ll hear plenty more!

**Guest {Ms. Joke}:** Always happy to provide a smile!

**Present Mic:** Now, let’s find out who’s calling in today. Welcome listener! You’re live on the Put Your Hands Up radio show!

**Alastor:** Really? First you continue to play that poor excuse for music and now you’ve brought in a two- bit comedian as well?

**Present Mic:** YOU!

**Guest {Ms. Joke}:** HEY! What do you mean ‘two-bit comedian?’

**Present Mic:** Not now Emi! What do you want Alastor? Come to turn my show into a knock of horror show again?

**Alastor:** Knock off? You offend me good sir. And when I’ve gone to all the trouble to offer you some assistance.

**Present Mic:** What kind of assistance could you possibly offer me?

**Alastor:** Well, looking back I realize that my last show fell a little flat. Not nearly the drama I was hoping for. I couldn’t put my finger on the reason why until inspiration hit! I was counting on you hero types arrive _much_ sooner. It was really my fault for overestimating your abilities, I do apologize for that.

**Present Mic:** You…

**Alastor:** So, this time I’ll offer you a hint. I’ve relocated recording booth to someplace with a lovely view of the city. My lovely guest and I hope to see you soon.

_*muffled noises of panic can be heard*_

**Alastor:** And don’t worry, I take things slow. Just for you.

_*two minutes of static proceed before the show comes back on air*_

**Alastor:** Hello listeners! If you missed my last segment my name is Alastor, your local neighborhood Radio Demon! Today we will be doing an educational segment on the proper way to cook human organs. Personally, I am quite capable of eating them raw but I decided to be considerate of those of you with weaker stomachs. As any good chef knows, the freshness of your ingredients is paramount to the taste of your final product, so I decided to bring my ingredients in alive today!

_*muffled screams can be heard*_

**Alastor:** And as always, if anyone has questions during the show do not hesitate to call 666-6666.

Present Mic stormed out of the recording booth with Ms. Joke following close behind.

“Again! He’s going to do it all over again!” Present Mic yelled.

“Mic,” Ms. Joke said.

“Aizawa was right, I should have just shut down the station until this freak was caught,” Present Mic said as he slumped against the wall.

“Mic, come on, chin up! If it wasn’t your show, he’d just find some other station to torment,” Ms. Joke said, “Now give me a big confident smile! We’re going to find him this time!”

“Right. Right!” Present Mic yelled, “This is no time for moping. Can we trace that phone number again?”

“No sir, it looks like he figured out how we found him last time,” one of the operators said.

“Then all we have is that clue. Where can we find the best view in the city?” Present Mic asked.

“Statistically speaking people consider taller buildings, such as skyscrapers, to have the best views of the city,” another operator said.

“Then call up everyone on duty tonight. We have to search every skyscraper in the city until we find him!” Present Mic ordered.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Radio Demon Hour**

**Alastor:** Now dear listeners, I do understand why some of you might shy away from the mere thought of cannibalism. And yet I can’t help but feel a tad disappointed about that. It’s so cost efficient! There far more humans available to eat then most other animals on this planet. And if you’re thinking it’s sinful, answer me this? Who has committed more sins? The human or that innocent poor pig you’ve decided to turn into bacon? And, not to mention, the less of the body the police find of the body the harder it is for them to pin the crime on you. And for anyone worried about the taste, do I have good news for you! Humans actually taste quite a bit like pig! So, for tonight’s recipe, we will be making a good southern pulled pork. Or perhaps I should say, pulled human.

_*Phone ringing can be heard*_

**Alastor:** A call in already? Aren’t you all so eager tonight. Listener! You’re live on air?

**Caller:** Hello! I was wondering, what parts of a human can you eat and what parts can’t you eat?

**Alastor:** Good question caller. Now let me be specific, technically you can eat all parts but some are more dangerous than others. The brain and the muscles are the best bet for eating, as the muscles contain a great deal of protein and the brain provides slow-burning energy as it is made mostly of fats and glucose. The liver and kidneys…well it’s best to avoid those as they are often filled with waste products. The eyeballs, while edible, contain an acidic solution that can make you humans very sick. Fingers and toes are edible as well but they are filled with cartilage which is hard for you humans to digest, so if you decide to try them be ready for an uncomfortable date with your latrine.

**Caller:** Ewwww.

**Alastor:** Indeed. Thank you for calling in! Now, for the sauce you will need 1 cup of bottled barbecue sauce, ¾ a cup of ketchup, 1 ½ cups of chopped onion, 1 cup of chopped celery, 1 cup of water, 3 chopped garlic cloves, ¼ a cup of honey, ¼ a cup of brown sugar, ¼ a cup of Worcestershire sauce, 1 ½ teaspoons of chili powder, 1 table of hot pepper sauce such as tabasco sauce. You may also add salt and black pepper to taste. But of course, the most important ingredient is the meat, and this recipe calls 1 to 3 pounds. Let’s start with the shoulder roast, shall we?

_*muffled screams can be heard over the sounds of a meat saw*_

Ms. Joke could see the steam rising from her breath as she ran through the cool night air. Multiple hero teams had already descended on the skyscrapers in town, searching them from top to bottom but there was still no sign of the Radio Demon. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to think. Where hadn’t they checked yet? Then she remembered something from the original report. It had stated that even thought Alastor had been broadcasting live, there hadn’t been any broadcasting equipment when Present Mic had arrived on the scene. And now…the phone number was untraceable as well.

Ms. Joke took off running once more. They had been working the assumption that Alastor needed a location with electricity and running water. But what if he didn’t? There was a skyscraper that was due for demolition nearby. One that used to have a five star restaurant on the top floor. 

_*Phone ringing can be heard*_

**Alastor:** Another caller, how wonderful! Listener, you’re live on air!

**Caller:** Hi! Just out of curiosity, can you eat uhhh male genitalia?

**Alastor:** …I’m going to treat this like a serious question and tell you yes. You can eat the male genitalia but I would like to inform you that it holds little to no nutritional value.

_*sounds of crashes and a brief struggle can be heard*_

**Alastor:** Listeners, it appears we have a surprise guest on the show. Why don’t you introduce yourself, my dear.

**Ms. Joke:** It’s Ms. Joke to you. You must be Alastor. I heard you were into this tentacle thing, but I never thought you’d treat a lady this way.

**Alastor:** You may be a woman but you’re hardly a lady. And your name sounds vaguely familiar…oh yes. You’re that terrible comedian that was on Present Mic’s excuse for a show.

**Ms. Joke:** What have you got against my jokes?!

**Alastor:** They show such a little sense of class. Now why don’t you stay quiet while I finish my meal?

Ms. Joke strained against the black tentacle that was pinning her arms to her sides. This wasn’t looking good. She could see Alastor’s victim laying on the counter. He was still breathing but a good portion of his arm and one of his legs was missing. It looked like Alastor had kept his word and somehow kept the bleeding to a minimum but if he didn’t get medical help soon he’d be a gonner. But what could she do? She was trapped and she suspected outnumbered as the shadows flickered and shifted into almost humanoid forms. Not to mention Eraserhead had reported that his quirk hadn’t worked on him in the fight that had almost leveled the city. If she could just distract him until help arrived. Wait, if he knew enough about comedy to critique her jokes…maybe he actually liked comedy? It was worth a try.

“Hey Alastor, you know I have a request for when I die. I’d like to be cremated,” Ms. Joke said.

“Is that so?” Alastor said.

“Yeah, I figure it’s my last hope for a smoking hot body,” Ms. Joke said.

There was dead silence before Alastor let out a loud cackle and turned back to Ms. Joke.

“Are you sure you don’t want a casket? It’s a good chance for people to let you down,” Alastor said.

“I’m sure. After all, corpse aren’t very funny. They’re dead serious,” Ms. Joke said.

“Have you picked out a crematorium? I’d like to know which one urn-ed your business,” Alastor said.

As Alastor opened his mouth to reply, the glass windows shattered as they were hit with a sonic scream. Alastor pursed his lips, the annoyed look in his eyes clashing with the smile on his face.

“A shame, dear listeners, it seems we have to cut things short. Till next time, stay tuned,” Alastor said.

Ms. Joke let out a grunt of surprise as the tentacle dropped her unceremoniously onto the floor. She looked up to see Alastor standing in front of a rift. Behind him she could see a landscape made of black buildings and a sky of red.

“A pity. You were more entertaining than I expected. Till next time, Ms. Joke,” Alastor said as he stepped through the rift, closing it behind him.

Ms. Joke found herself standing in the kitchen with a badly injured victim, and a horrifyingly good smelling sitting on the kitchen counter. She couldn’t help but wonder what exactly she had gotten herself into.


End file.
